Inspiring Reminders to Think, Live and Love Well
Inspiring Reminders to Think and Live Well
Monday, February 28, 2011
Be Playful!
We are never more fully alive, more completely ourselves, or more deeply engrossed in anything than when we are playing.
Charles Schaefer
Sunday, February 27, 2011
The Oscars: A Celebration of Creativity
copyright A.M.P.A.S. |
Millions of us will be tuned in tonight to enjoy the Academy Awards presentations on television. Whether or not you love the films they celebrate, there's no denying that the Oscars do bring together and showcase an amazing amount of creativity: from script-writing to musical composition to makeup and costume design. Creativity and it's benefits have been closely studied by Positive Psychology researchers. One of the fathers of Positive Psychology, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, studied the commonalities between ninety of the most successfully creative people. These were people who embraced and nurtured their creativity, and lived full, happy, self-actualized lives as a result. These are suggestions made from his study of the life-enhancing benefits of allowing our creative selves to shine:
1.) Try to be surprised by something every day. Embrace the atypical. Be open to what the the world is showing you. Life is a stream of experiences. Swim widely and deeply in it, and your life will be richer.
2.) Try to surprise someone every day. Don't always be predictable and patterned. Embrace the unconventional.
3.) Each evening, write down what most surprised you that day, and your response to it. What was your most surprising action, and what was a person's response to it? After a few days of notes, go back and reread them. In a few weeks you'll likely see a pattern of interest developing, waiting to be explored in greater depth.
4.) When something sparks your interest, follow it. Oftentimes we'll find something curious or interesting and tell ourselves we'll do some Internet research on it later. We then let it slide because we're too busy with other things banal, and simply forget about it. If you can't drop everything to follow your interest at any given moment, then carry a small notebook around with you. Write down those things which demand exploration.
5.) Wake up in the morning with a specific goal to look forward to. Creative people start each day with the feeling that there is something meaningful to accomplish, no matter how seemingly small.
6.) Spend time in settings that stimulate your creativity. Physical activity is important. The most profound sparks of creativity generally happen when a person is jogging, swimming, walking, or even just traveling somewhere in the car. Sitting in a natural setting, enjoying a sparkling stream or a sunset is beneficial. And the half-asleep / half-awake state we find ourselves in when we're deeply relaxed or barely awake is a powerful state for the reception of novel ideas.
Okay, so we don't all have to produce Oscar-worthy works of creativity. Ask yourself, though, could your life be fuller, if you let your creative side explore a little?
Okay, so we don't all have to produce Oscar-worthy works of creativity. Ask yourself, though, could your life be fuller, if you let your creative side explore a little?
Csikszentmihalyi, Mihaly (1996). Creativity : Flow and the Psychology of Discovery and Invention. New York: Harper Perennial. ISBN 0-06-092820-4
Csikszentmihalyi, Mihaly (1998). Finding Flow: The Psychology of Engagement With Everyday Life. Basic Books. ISBN 0-465-02411-4
Saturday, February 26, 2011
The King's Speech - The power of Friendship
www.cachestudio.net |
Friday, February 25, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Don't We All Need a Hug?
www.visualizeus.com |
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Say No to Bullying: Wear Pink!
http://www.pinkshirtday.ca/
Take a look at this link for lots of inspiring stories of kids standing up against bullying.
It's Wear a Pink Shirt Day today! Whether or not you choose to wear pink today, take a moment to honour all the kids who've been hurt (or worse!) by bullying. When children are dying because of the grief caused by their peers, it's the adults that must stand up and say ENOUGH! When adults model tolerance and acceptance, and when we encourage our kids to be their own unique selves, we'll have a chance to make change. If we all take a stand, there could be so much less heartache.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Lady Gaga: I was Born This Way
My Positive Psychologist of the day is Lady Gaga! Whether you love her (I do!) or not, I don't think anyone can argue that she's done an amazing job of getting our attention. Her costumes and stage theatrics are so wonderfully over-the-top and full of fun and creativity. What I really appreciate about her, though, is her message of self-acceptance. Lady Gaga has talked about her own struggles with growing up feeling different, unaccepted and like an outsider. She wasn't a typical kid, and didn't enjoy the sense of comfort and belonging that often comes with the familiar security of being the same, being a follower, and just trying to fit in. Because she expressed herself differently than her peers, she was left out and repeatedly bullied. Her message through her music is all about being yourself - no matter how unique, "weird" or "out of step" you might be. Think about the kids you know who are a little different, who don't follow the current "rules of popularity". How can we all be more tolerant and accepting? Can we encourage the young people we know to embrace their uniqueness, to be proud of who they really are, and to let themselves be superstars?
What do you think of ten-year old Maria Aragon's cover? What a talented little girl! Apparently, Lady Gaga "couldn't stop crying" when she watched her video, and hailed her as "the future", and "why I make music". Her tweets made Maria's video go viral. Lovely to see a superstar reach out and inspire kids!
I'm beautiful in my way,
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way
Don't hide yourself in regret,
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way
You have to be unique and different and shine in your own way
Don't you ever let a soul in the world tell you that you can't be exactly who you are.
I'm just trying to change the world,one sequin at a time.
Lady Gaga
Monday, February 21, 2011
Happy Family Day!
It's Family Day in Alberta. I wish you all a wonderful day of hanging out with the ones you love. We get so busy rushing around in our hectic lives, that it's nice to set aside a day to simply focus on all the positive things that make our families work: loving, sharing, talking, listening, supporting, accepting, encouraging and believing in each other. Hope you're having a fun and relaxing day!
Sunday, February 20, 2011
I love who you let me be
www.coulsonmacleod.com |
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Together Forever
Archaeologists in Pompei, Italy have unearthed these skeletons, locked in an embrace, believed to be between 5,000 and 6,000 years old. While the circumstances of their death must have been horrific, what's really evident is the comfort they must have been providing for each other in that terrible time. Their love must have been a strength, must have given them courage. We are meant to support each other, to give and take of help and esteem. A beautiful relationship is one where we're better together, when we create a new entity that is "us". An "us", that is more than just the sum of the two of us as individuals. It's that feeling of "us" that gives us resilience, hope and comfort.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Resolving Conflict in Relationships
Do happy couples fight? Yes, they do, and often! It's a common belief that fighting is a sign that a marriage is in trouble. On the contrary, not fighting can be an even worse predictor of relationship happiness and success. Suppressing anger, giving your partner the silent treatment, or ignoring and denying the existence of problems is far more dangerous for a marriage than saying what's on your mind. Conflict isn't the issue, it's how we resolve conflict that will make or break it for us. So, here's some useful tips to remember:
1. Express your beef in a constructive, positive way: "I would really appreciate it if you cleaned up after yourself in the kitchen": vs. "You're worse than the kids - I always have to clean up after you!"
2. What's in it for your partner to comply with your request: "I will feel so much more relaxed and content when I come into the kitchen. I'll be able to focus on talking about our day, rather than worrying about the mess. That will make me feel so much better about you!"
3. Listen, Listen and Listen some more! When we truly listen to understand our partner, only then can we move onto the next level of actually solving the problem.
4. Ground Rules for Fair Fighting will keep it manageable. Both of you have to be ready and willing to discuss an issue. It's never effective to discuss anything when you're hopping mad. You WILL say something hurtful that you will regret. So don't! You both must have permission to take a break if you become angry, or refuse to engage at all if you need calming-down time first.
So, remember: fight fair, fight well, and fight effectively. Get it out on the table and listen to each other. Ultimately, you're on the same team, right? It's about solving the problem, not winning.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Expressing your Love
www.ffffound.com |
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
What is Love?
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Men take note: Vacuum your way into her Heart!
www.dailymail.co.uk |
A recent study in the Journal Of Family Issues found that men who vacuumed, and generally took an active and helpful role in caring for the house, experienced more closeness, affection and intimacy with their wives. Now, this really isn't a diatribe about equality and fairness - although we have a ways to go before we get to 50/50 in the housework department. It's really more about taking note of what is really important to our partners. If vacuuming is an expression of love and caring that is received as significant and meaningful, then every time you clean up, guys, you're saying "I love you". That, of course, feels great to her, and she may be inspired to reciprocate in the special ways that "mean love" to you. So instead of flowers - show your love with a dust rag, and see what happens!
Monday, February 14, 2011
Random Acts of Kindness
www.power-of-giving.com |
Happy Valentines Day! I hope you are enjoying a day filled with self-love, and are able to share love (and maybe chocolate too?) with friends, family, pets, and lovers! I just came across this website http://www.randomactsofkindness.org/. This foundation is all about encouraging and celebrating Random Acts of Kindness. Their mission is "to inspire you to act and share". Feb 14 to 20 is designated as Random Acts of Kindness Week. They invite us all to take the "Extreme Kindness Challenge". Can you commit an act of kindness every day for seven days? Maybe it's as easy as giving another car the right of way to create an easy merge, or sharing your grocery cart loonie with the busy mom who is searching for one in the Superstore parking lot. A friend told me the story of being pleasantly surprised when the people in the car in front of her paid for her coffee in the Tim Horton's drive-thru lineup. It was an unexpected, but much appreciated bright spot in her day. If we choose to accept the challenge, I wonder how good it would feel to share the love?
Sunday, February 13, 2011
What Does Love Mean to You?
Define LOVE: "A profoundly tender feeling of affection and warmth towards another person". That's a common description if you look it up. Notice the emphasis on "feeling". Certainly we can feel the emotion of love, but I would suggest that our feelings are not what's most important. It's what we do and how we act that really matter. So, yes, love is a feeling, but it's also a set of behaviors. When it comes to relationships, it's our actions that count. Are we expressing our love in the most effective way? Valentines Day is quickly approaching. If you feel love for someone, you may be thinking of what you will do to show that tomorrow. But do you really know what love means for your partner? What are the things you can do that are the most important and significant, that show you really do know your partner inside and out? Roses, chocolates and a mushy card are what we're told to buy. But what if your loved one would really feel more valued and cherished if you washed the kitchen floor, or walked hand in hand with her in the park instead?
In new relationships, we're usually so eager to please that we do just about everything and anything we can think of to act out our love. At least some of the time, we get it right, and the interactions feel good and are well received. Then, most of us get a little lazy, and we do fewer and fewer of those loving behaviors. As we grow and change as individuals, some of the things that are meaningful expressions of love will change with time as well. What's most important is to keep talking about it. In my therapy practice, clients often exclaim, "I shouldn't have to tell him what love means to me - he should know by now!" Or, "if I have to tell her, it means she doesn't really love me!" Some people would prefer that their partner could read their mind. I haven't seen that strategy work yet. What I do see all the time, though, is disappointment and frustration when needs are not met.
Have you first asked the soul-searching questions of yourself? What does love mean to me? How would I like my partner to express his caring? What specific ways would I like to be shown affection? What words work the best to make me feel important and valued? What actions from her really hit the target - really bring out the best in me? You've got to know yourself first.
Once you know your own needs, can you communicate these with your partner in a positive, warm, inviting manner? Instead of, "you never support me", can you say, "I'd love for you to sit and cuddle with me on the couch, and just listen to me talk about my day."
This Valentines Day, why not give each other truly wonderful gifts - the gifts of knowing what love means to each of you.
This Valentines Day, why not give each other truly wonderful gifts - the gifts of knowing what love means to each of you.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
First love ...... sigh!
Friday, February 11, 2011
You're Amazing - Just the Way you are!
I think Bruno Mars says it so well in this video:
"When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are"
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are"
Accepting ourselves is so important to experience happiness and fulfillment as an individual. But it's also just as important in our relationships. We need to accept our partners - flaws and all. How many people fall in love with the "potential" of the other person? "He would be so wonderful, if he could just change....." She's great, but she needs to work on......". What you see is what you get. He or she probably won't change. Can you accept your partner fully, and love them for who they are - right here, right now? Can you be amazing together - just the way you both are?
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Be your own Valentine
Valentines Day is just around the corner. If you're happily coupled, perhaps you're looking forward to this day of showering love upon the one you adore, and being doted upon with chocolates and flowers. If you're "between relationships", you may prefer to just ignore or cancel the day! Whether or not you have a valentine to love, why not also focus on celebrating love for yourself? Let this be a time to accept yourself: focus on what you can embrace and rejoice in. Be kind to yourself, nurture yourself, and take care of your most important relationship - the one with yourself.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Better Thinking is Key to overcoming Eating Disorders
http://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/ecri-institutes-newest-look-at-bulimia-nervosa-says-cognitive-behavioral-therapy-most-effective-treatment-115037559.html
Another study supports the efficacy of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy in the treatment of the eating disorder Bulimia Nervosa - the binge and purge disorder. Cognitive Behavioral therapy targets belief systems, thinking styles and negative, self-critical, or irrational thoughts. When we get stuck in patterns of thinking that are unhealthy, it leads us to also experience uncomfortable emotions, such as anxiety, anger and depression. Those emotions then result in behaviors that can be self-destructive, nonproductive or ineffective. CBT teaches us to examine those negative beliefs, challenge ourselves to look at alternative, more realistic and useful thoughts, and to observe what then happens to our emotions. Inevitably, healthier thinking leads to healthier feelings, which in turn result in behaving in healthier ways which then continue to maintain our healthier moods. A lovely cycle takes hold:
GOOD THOUGHT = GOOD FEELING = GOOD BEHAVIOR = the GOOD just keeps going!
If "You are what you listen to", make sure you're listening to helpful, supportive, loving self-talk!
If "You are what you listen to", make sure you're listening to helpful, supportive, loving self-talk!
Monday, February 7, 2011
Loving Her Body
Loving Her Body
Helping Your Daughter Develop a Healthy Body Image
Your nine-year old daughter wants to dress like Miley Cyrus. Her friend won’t eat her own birthday party cake because “it’s fattening.” Another beautiful, slim, young girl asks her mother every morning “Does this make me look fat?”
The media presents powerfully persuasive messages to girls and women: they must be thin, well-toned, made-up and seductively dressed in order to be attractive. Canadian women spend billions of dollars in their attempts to transform their despised bodies into “acceptable” shapes. Our little girls are not immune to these pressures. Studies show us that healthy –weight children as young as seven and eight are dieting. In a recent survey, over half the young girls reported dissatisfaction with their bodies and the desire to lose weight. By the time they reach adolescence, over 80% of girls “worry excessively about their appearance”.
While media bombardment is hugely influential, your daughters’ body image development is also impacted by stresses from within her family and pressures from her interactions with other significant people and activities. Here’s how you counteract the destructive forces your girls will face:
1. As a family, discuss media images and messages. Teach your children that the role models they are viewing represent an extremely narrow definition of beauty and acceptability. Talk to them about the power of advertising. Celebrate the natural diversity of human body shapes and sizes.
2. Carefully examine your own feelings about your body. Are you modeling healthy self-respect or do you criticize your own weight or shape? Our daughters need to hear their parents (especially their mothers) making positive, self-affirming statements about their own bodies.
3. Help your daughter discover what she likes about her body, instead of focussing on what parts are not “perfect”. Encourage her to use healthy self-talk when she describes herself.
4. Keep your comments to her positive and realistic. Puberty (which can start as early as nine or ten) can lead to significant weight gain, so don’t be alarmed or critical. Reassure your daughter that her changing shape is a wonderful sign of growing up. Teasing at this age can have devastating effects, so intervene if siblings or others are unkind.
5. Ensure that your daughter understands what is happening to her changing body. Talk openly about sexuality. Celebrate her development to combat embarrassment and shame.
6. Encourage fun physical activity. Girls who feel strong and competent can enjoy the marvelous things their bodies can do, whether it’s the joy of dancing, kicking a soccer ball, or simply walking in the park.
7. Focus on healthy eating patterns. Ban the concepts of “good” vs. “bad” foods. Going on a diet is the very best way to gain weight.
8. Encourage and provide the means for your daughter to express herself. Help her to assert her feelings and needs with confidence.
9. Remind your daughter that true beauty comes from feeling good about herself, recognizing her strengths, and carrying herself with a sense of acceptance and openness to herself and others.
10. If your daughter’s negative feelings about her body and/or unhealthy eating behaviors are not responding to your attention and encouragement, get professional help.
While body image is a central component of your daughter’s self-esteem, remember that there are a multitude of other ways that you can help her to feel lovable, valued and capable.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Love Your Body
www.sxc.hu |
Eating Disorders Awareness Week runs from Feb. 6 to 12 in Canada. Let's focus on prevention of eating disorders - whether it's anorexia, bulimia, binge-eating, emotional overeating or obesity. A common link between all problems of disordered eating behaviors is POOR BODY IMAGE. Body image refers to our brain's perception of what our body looks like. This includes the thoughts and feelings we have internalized about how we look to ourselves and others. Especially in the case of eating disorders, our internal perception of our body's appearance may in fact be very different than reality, or how others see us. Unfortunately, many people (read women most frequently) tend to engrave into their minds a very negative set of thoughts, beliefs and images about their bodies. Far too many women, and way too many very young girls actually admit to HATING their bodies. Men are certainly not immune either. In fact the numbers of men and boys who suffer from eating disorders are rising dramatically in recent years.
The good news about body image is that it's something we produce in our own minds. If our negative and self-critical thoughts are powerful enough to create a distorted or miserable body image, then changing those thoughts can create a more pleasurable, positive perception of ourselves. Start with a simple daily exercise: Look into the mirror first thing in the morning. Instead of the usual search for flaws, why not challenge yourself to find one thing that pleases you about your appearance. Maybe it's just "I have lovely shaped eyebrows". Great start. Tomorrow, challenge yourself to talk lovingly about two body parts. The next day, can you give yourself a compliment about three aspects of your appearance? Can you imagine how good it could feel to develop the habit of enhancing your feelings about your body EVERY DAY, rather than focusing on what you don't like?
So, what if you really could be healthier if you lost a few pounds? A healthy love of your body doesn't mean you can't still look for change and improvement within yourself. As with all change, when you start from a place of acceptance, you'll get the changes you want with much more ease. We know that the more positive the body image you enjoy, the more likely you are to be able to lose needed weight, and keep it off. So, whatever body you're in, work towards acceptance and self-love. You're worth it!
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Smile, Smile, Smile
Smiling is powerful. It feels good to wear one, to give one away, and to receive one. It's a free and easy way to share happiness and caring.
We usually think of a smile following a happy feeling. We feel good, then the smile naturally forms on our face. But, did you know that it can work the other way, too? When you're feeling neutral, or even sad, try a smile, and keep it there for as long as you can. When our facial muscles are activated in the shape of a smile, a feedback loop to our brain is also activated. Our brain gets the message - "if my face is smiling, I must be feeling good" - and sure enough, our emotions can start to lighten up as well. Smiling actually changes our physiology. A smile releases endorphins, and the mood-stabilizing neurochemical serotonin. Smiling lowers blood pressure and boosts immunity.
How about adding some "Smile Therapy" to your life?
We usually think of a smile following a happy feeling. We feel good, then the smile naturally forms on our face. But, did you know that it can work the other way, too? When you're feeling neutral, or even sad, try a smile, and keep it there for as long as you can. When our facial muscles are activated in the shape of a smile, a feedback loop to our brain is also activated. Our brain gets the message - "if my face is smiling, I must be feeling good" - and sure enough, our emotions can start to lighten up as well. Smiling actually changes our physiology. A smile releases endorphins, and the mood-stabilizing neurochemical serotonin. Smiling lowers blood pressure and boosts immunity.
How about adding some "Smile Therapy" to your life?
Friday, February 4, 2011
Are You Going with the Flow?
Hubert Stoffels |
A conversation about "Going with the Flow"between a fellow blogger (JamesMurphy) and myself:
James says:
Are You Taking The Path of Least Resistance?
The Downward Rush of the Stream…
Some things in life are inevitable. Every year the seasons rotate through Winter, Summer, Spring, and Fall. Nature is full of examples of the inevitable. Water always tends to flow downstream, taking the path of least resistance until it reaches the sea. It is easy to forget that every thought and action has natural consequences that are also inevitable.
Many actions in life become habits that tend to follow the path of least resistance. I read an interesting statistic by Steve Shapiro on New Year Resolutions that stated “Less than 15% of those over 50 achieve their resolutions every year or every other year, while 39% of those in their twenties achieve their resolutions every year or every other year.”
As a parent and “responsible adult” sometimes the path of least resistance becomes a place of comfort. Being in the comfort zone can provide stability, but it can also keep you from enjoying life to the fullest.
If you think, “I can’t do what a 20-year old can do because I have kids, a job, and too many responsibilities” Think again!
My wife has some friends who, a few years ago, packed up everything and travelled around the world for an entire year (21 countries in all). At the time, their children were in 5th and 6th grade! It was a risk, but ultimately they chose to achieve one of their life goals sooner rather than later. It paid off in many different levels. Not only did they enjoy an incredible life experience, but they created a stunning book along the way and donated all the profits to charitable children’s causes.
While some things in life are inevitable, ask yourself, “Am I going to go with the flow or do something to experience all life has to offer?”
My response :
James: Love the water metaphor! Too many of us just "go with the flow", thinking the same thoughts, feeling the same feelings, and acting in the same ways - just because it's familiar and comfortable. Unfortunately, familiar and comfortable do not always lead us to happiness and fulfillment. We're afraid of the new, we're anxious about taking steps that may seem out of our "comfort zone" and we get caught up in our own security needs. To begin the swim against the current, we need to take very small strokes forward, one day at a time. The more we resist the flow by thinking or doing differently, the stronger our strokes will become. Soon, it doesn't feel so much of a struggle. The new seems more familiar and comfortable, and we enter a more fulfilling stream of life.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Happy Chinese New Year!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Morning Bliss
www.fotolog.com |
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
S#!* Happens
www.lovelypackage.com |
www.sharoncarlton.ca
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