Loving Her Body

Loving Her Body

Helping Your Daughter Develop a Healthy Body Image

     Your nine-year old daughter wants to dress like Miley Cyrus.  Her friend won’t eat her own birthday party cake because “it’s fattening.”  Another beautiful, slim, young girl asks her mother every morning “Does this make me look fat?” 

     The media presents powerfully persuasive messages to girls and women: they must be thin, well-toned, made-up and seductively dressed in order to be attractive.  Canadian women spend billions of dollars in their attempts to transform their despised bodies into “acceptable” shapes.   Our little girls are not immune to these pressures.  Studies show us that healthy –weight children as young as seven and eight are dieting.  In a recent survey, over half the young girls reported dissatisfaction with their bodies and the desire to lose weight.  By the time they reach adolescence, over 80% of girls “worry excessively about their appearance”. 

     While media bombardment is hugely influential, your daughters’ body image development is also impacted by stresses from within her family and pressures from her interactions with other significant people and activities.  Here’s how you counteract the destructive forces your girls will face:

1.     As a family, discuss media images and messages.  Teach your children that the role models they are viewing represent an extremely narrow definition of beauty and acceptability.  Talk to them about the power of advertising.  Celebrate the natural diversity of human body shapes and sizes.

2.     Carefully examine your own feelings about your body.  Are you modeling healthy self-respect or do you criticize your own weight or shape?  Our daughters need to hear their parents (especially their mothers) making positive, self-affirming statements about their own bodies.

3.     Help your daughter discover what she likes about her body, instead of focussing on what parts are not “perfect”.  Encourage her to use healthy self-talk when she describes herself.

4.     Keep your comments to her positive and realistic.  Puberty (which can start as early as nine or ten) can lead to significant weight gain, so don’t be alarmed or critical.  Reassure your daughter that her changing shape is a wonderful sign of growing up. Teasing at this age can have devastating effects, so intervene if siblings or others are unkind.

5.     Ensure that your daughter understands what is happening to her changing body.   Talk openly about sexuality. Celebrate her development to combat embarrassment and shame.

6.     Encourage fun physical activity.  Girls who feel strong and competent can enjoy the marvelous things their bodies can do, whether it’s the joy of dancing, kicking a soccer ball, or simply walking in the park.

7.     Focus on healthy eating patterns.  Ban the concepts of “good” vs. “bad” foods.    Going on a diet is the very best way to gain weight. 

8.     Encourage and provide the means for your daughter to express herself.  Help her to assert her feelings and needs with confidence.

9.     Remind your daughter that true beauty comes from feeling good about herself, recognizing her strengths, and carrying herself with a sense of acceptance and openness to herself and others.

10.             If your daughter’s negative feelings about her body and/or unhealthy eating behaviors are not responding to your attention and encouragement, get professional help.

While body image is a central component of your daughter’s self-esteem, remember that there are a multitude of other ways that you can help her to feel lovable, valued and capable.

     

Love Your Body

www.sxc.hu

     Eating Disorders Awareness Week runs from Feb. 6 to 12 in Canada.  Let's focus on prevention of eating disorders - whether it's anorexia, bulimia, binge-eating, emotional overeating or obesity.  A common link between all problems of disordered eating behaviors is  POOR BODY IMAGE.  Body image refers to our brain's perception of what our body looks like.  This includes the thoughts and feelings we have internalized about how we look to ourselves and others.  Especially in the case of eating disorders, our internal perception of our body's appearance may in fact be very different than reality, or how others see us.  Unfortunately, many people (read women most frequently) tend to engrave into their minds a very negative set of thoughts, beliefs and images about their bodies.  Far too many women, and way too many very young girls actually admit to HATING their bodies.  Men are certainly not immune either.  In fact the numbers of men and boys who suffer from eating disorders are rising dramatically in recent years.  
     The good news about body image is that it's something we produce in our own minds.  If our negative and self-critical thoughts are powerful enough to create a distorted or miserable body image, then changing those thoughts can create a more pleasurable, positive perception of ourselves.  Start with a simple daily exercise:  Look into the mirror first thing in the morning.  Instead of the usual search for flaws, why not challenge yourself to find one thing that pleases you about your appearance.  Maybe it's just "I have lovely shaped eyebrows".  Great start.  Tomorrow, challenge yourself to talk lovingly about two body parts.  The next day, can you give yourself a compliment about three aspects of your appearance?  Can you imagine how good it could feel to develop the habit of enhancing your feelings about your body EVERY DAY, rather than focusing on what you don't like?  
     So, what if you really could be healthier if you lost a few pounds?  A healthy love of your body doesn't mean you can't still look for change and improvement within yourself.  As with all change, when you start from a place of acceptance, you'll get the changes you want with much more ease.  We know that the more positive the body image you enjoy, the more likely you are to be able to lose needed weight, and keep it off.  So, whatever body you're in, work towards acceptance and self-love.  You're worth it!

Smile, Smile, Smile

 Smiling is powerful.  It feels good to wear one, to give one away, and to receive one.  It's a free and easy way to share happiness and caring. 
We usually think of a smile following a happy feeling.  We feel good, then the smile naturally forms on our face.  But, did you know that it can work the other way, too?  When you're feeling neutral, or even sad, try a smile, and keep it there for as long as you can. When our facial muscles are activated in the shape of a smile, a feedback loop to our brain is also activated.  Our brain gets the message - "if my face is smiling, I must be feeling good" - and sure enough, our emotions can start to lighten up as well.  Smiling actually changes our physiology.  A smile releases endorphins, and the mood-stabilizing neurochemical serotonin.  Smiling lowers blood pressure and boosts immunity. 

How about adding some "Smile Therapy" to your life?

Are You Going with the Flow?

Hubert Stoffels

 A conversation about "Going with the Flow"between a fellow blogger (JamesMurphy)  and myself:

James says:

Are You Taking The Path of Least Resistance?

The Downward Rush of the Stream…

Some things in life are inevitable. Every year the seasons rotate through Winter, Summer, Spring, and Fall. Nature is full of examples of the inevitable. Water always tends to flow downstream, taking the path of least resistance until it reaches the sea. It is easy to forget that every thought and action has natural consequences that are also inevitable.

Many actions in life become habits that tend to follow the path of least resistance. I read an interesting statistic by Steve Shapiro on New Year Resolutions that stated “Less than 15% of those over 50 achieve their resolutions every year or every other year, while 39% of those in their twenties achieve their resolutions every year or every other year.”

As a parent and “responsible adult” sometimes the path of least resistance becomes a place of comfort. Being in the comfort zone can provide stability, but it can also keep you from enjoying life to the fullest. 

If you think, “I can’t do what a 20-year old can do because I have kids, a job, and too many responsibilities” Think again! 

My wife has some friends who, a few years ago, packed up everything and travelled around the world for an entire year (21 countries in all). At the time, their children were in 5th and 6th grade! It was a risk, but ultimately they chose to achieve one of their life goals sooner rather than later. It paid off in many different levels. Not only did they enjoy an incredible life experience, but they created a stunning book along the way and donated all the profits to charitable children’s causes. 

While some things in life are inevitable, ask yourself, “Am I going to go with the flow or do something to experience all life has to offer?”  

My response :

James: Love the water metaphor! Too many of us just "go with the flow", thinking the same thoughts, feeling the same feelings, and acting in the same ways - just because it's familiar and comfortable. Unfortunately, familiar and comfortable do not always lead us to happiness and fulfillment. We're afraid of the new, we're anxious about taking steps that may seem out of our "comfort zone" and we get caught up in our own security needs. To begin the swim against the current, we need to take very small strokes forward, one day at a time. The more we resist the flow by thinking or doing differently, the stronger our strokes will become. Soon, it doesn't feel so much of a struggle. The new seems more familiar and comfortable, and we enter a more fulfilling stream of life.

Happy Chinese New Year!

The year of the Rabbit is said to be the start of a period of increased calm and quiet, a placid year, a more congenial time of diplomacy, gentleness and consideration. A time to focus on being more carefree and happy.  Wow, sounds just like what the world needs!

Morning Bliss

www.fotolog.com

How could the day be anything but wonderful when it starts like this!  Coffee is one of my small pleasures.  Okay, so maybe it's an addiction too -  but really - only a couple of VERY LARGE  cups a day can't hurt, right?  When we can start the day with something - anything- that makes us feel positive, happy, optimistic, or just plain AWAKE, then we can take the first step in choosing the kind of day we want to experience.  What habits can you develop to start your day with some "morning bliss"?

S#!* Happens

www.lovelypackage.com

S#!*  Happens!  Ya, none of us are immune.  The day doesn't always go as you planned.  You make mistakes.  Somebody lets you down.  It doesn't work, it breaks, you fail, you get lost.....  I could keep going.  So, you can sit in the doggy doo doo and focus on how much life stinks.  Or you can pick it up, and continue on your walk.  Wrap it up, look for a garbage can to get rid of the mess, lighten your load, then pick up where you left off.  Just remember to always carry a bag!
www.sharoncarlton.ca