Random Acts of Kindness

www.power-of-giving.com

 
Happy Valentines Day!  I hope you are enjoying a day filled with self-love, and are able to share love (and maybe chocolate too?) with friends, family, pets, and lovers!  I just came across this website http://www.randomactsofkindness.org/.  This foundation is all about encouraging and celebrating Random Acts of Kindness.   Their mission is "to inspire you to act and share".  Feb 14 to 20 is designated as Random Acts of Kindness Week.  They invite us all to take the "Extreme Kindness Challenge".  Can you commit an act of kindness every day for seven days?  Maybe it's as easy as giving another car the right of way to create an easy merge, or sharing your grocery cart loonie with the busy mom who is searching for one in the Superstore parking lot.  A friend told me the story of being pleasantly surprised when the people in the car in front of her paid for her coffee in the Tim Horton's drive-thru lineup.  It was an unexpected, but much appreciated  bright spot in her day.  If we choose to accept the challenge, I wonder how good it would feel to share the love?

What Does Love Mean to You?

     Define LOVE:  "A profoundly tender feeling of affection and warmth towards another person".  That's a common description if you look it up.  Notice the emphasis on "feeling".  Certainly we can feel the emotion of love,  but I would suggest that our feelings are not what's most important.  It's what we do and how we act that really matter.  So, yes, love is a feeling, but it's also a set of behaviors.  When it comes to relationships, it's our actions that count.  Are we expressing our love in the most effective way?  Valentines Day is quickly approaching.  If you feel love for someone, you may be thinking of what you will do to show that tomorrow.  But do you really know what love means for your partner?  What are the things you can do that are the most important and significant, that show you really do know your partner inside and out?  Roses, chocolates and a mushy card are what we're told to buy.  But what if your loved one would really feel more valued and cherished if you washed the kitchen floor, or walked hand in hand with her in the park instead?  

     In new relationships, we're usually so eager to please that we do just about everything and anything we can think of to act out our love.  At least some of the time, we get it right, and the interactions feel good and are well received.  Then, most of us get a little lazy, and we do fewer and fewer of those loving behaviors.  As we grow and change as individuals, some of the things that are meaningful expressions of love will change with time as well.  What's most important is to keep talking about it.  In my therapy practice, clients often exclaim, "I shouldn't have to tell him what love means to me - he should know by now!"  Or, "if I have to tell her, it means she doesn't really love me!"  Some people would prefer that their partner could read their mind.  I haven't seen that strategy work yet.  What I do see all the time, though, is disappointment and frustration when needs are not met. 

     Have you first asked the soul-searching questions of yourself?  What does love mean to me?  How would I like my partner to express his caring?  What specific ways would I like to be shown affection?  What words work the best to make me feel important and valued? What actions from her really hit the target - really bring out the best in me?  You've got to know yourself first.

     Once you know your own needs, can you communicate these with your partner in a positive, warm, inviting manner? Instead of, "you never support me", can you say, "I'd love for you to sit and cuddle with me on the couch, and just listen to me talk about my day."
     This Valentines Day, why not give each other truly wonderful gifts - the gifts of knowing what love means to each of you. 

    

First love ...... sigh!

www.bizior.com

First romance, first love, is something so special to all of us, both emotionally and physically, that it touches our lives and enriches them forever. Rosemary Rogers
The magic of first love is our ignorance that it can never end. Benjamin Disraeli

There's nothing like first love—the sense of being joined at heart and hip—the devotion, the yearning, the rollercoaster highs and lows. It's exciting and exhilarating, sometimes devastating, but then fabulous and glorious all at once again.  Do you remember your first love?  What amazing life lessons did you learn from that experience?

You're Amazing - Just the Way you are!

I think Bruno Mars says it so well in this video:    

"When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are"

 

Accepting ourselves is so important to experience happiness and fulfillment as an individual.  But it's also just as important in our relationships.  We need to accept our partners -  flaws and all.  How many people fall in love with the "potential" of the other person?  "He would be so wonderful,  if he could just change....."  She's great, but she needs to work on......".    What you see is what you get.  He or she probably won't change.  Can you accept your partner fully, and love them for who they are -  right here, right now?  Can you be amazing together - just the way you both are? 

Be your own Valentine

Valentines Day is just around the corner.  If you're happily coupled, perhaps you're looking forward to this day of showering love upon the one you adore, and being doted upon with chocolates and flowers.  If you're "between relationships", you may prefer to just ignore or cancel the day!  Whether or not you have a valentine to love, why not also focus on celebrating love for yourself?  Let this be a time to accept yourself:  focus on what you can embrace and rejoice in.  Be kind to yourself, nurture yourself, and take care of your most important relationship - the one with yourself. 

Can you see the opportunity?

www.haytham.com

"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty"

Winston Churchill

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.  ~Milton Berle

Better Thinking is Key to overcoming Eating Disorders

http://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/ecri-institutes-newest-look-at-bulimia-nervosa-says-cognitive-behavioral-therapy-most-effective-treatment-115037559.html

Another study supports the efficacy of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy in the treatment of the eating disorder Bulimia Nervosa - the binge and purge disorder.  Cognitive Behavioral therapy targets belief systems, thinking styles and negative, self-critical, or irrational thoughts.  When we get stuck in patterns of thinking that are unhealthy, it leads us to also experience uncomfortable emotions, such as anxiety, anger and depression.  Those emotions then result in behaviors that can be self-destructive, nonproductive or ineffective.  CBT teaches us to examine those negative beliefs, challenge ourselves to look at alternative, more realistic and useful thoughts, and to observe what then happens to our emotions.  Inevitably, healthier thinking leads to healthier feelings, which in turn result in behaving in healthier ways which then continue to maintain our healthier moods.  A lovely cycle takes hold:   

GOOD THOUGHT = GOOD FEELING = GOOD BEHAVIOR =  the GOOD just keeps going!

If  "You are what you listen to", make sure you're listening to helpful, supportive, loving self-talk!